Bob & the Blonde

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.


The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"


Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."


The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."


Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.


The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."


The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."


Bob took the money...

Brilliance Personified

The greatest personification of brilliance is found in our beloved nincompoop former President, Geo Dubya Brush. Look at these bloopers...maybe they're not bloopers. They were done as formal speeches.

More info than you want to know

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)



If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)



The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body, to
squirt blood 30 feet.

(Wow!!)




A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)




A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death.

(Creepy, but I'm still not over the pig.)




Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

(Don't try this at home, but maybe at work)



The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to
its body. The female initiates sex by ripping
the male's head off.

(Honey, I'm home. What you doing with my head?)





The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping
the length of a football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)





The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)




Some lions mate over 50 time s a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life..quality over quantity)




Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)




Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)





Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(Okay, so that would be a good thing)





A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)



An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)





Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that, too.)





Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)




Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

A bad cat day

Take a look at some frantic, bad cats.