Odd or Funny Facts

The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz."

ABBA got their name by taking the first letter from each of their first names (Agnetha, Bjorn, Benny, Anni-frid.)

A quarter has 119 grooves around the edge.

Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.

Bingo is the name of the dog on the Cracker Jack box.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

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Notice the right side of this blog. There below the quarter-horse is a spot called "Followers". Feel free to log onto my blog as a follower.

Thanks a lot!! Roger

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You Know You're a Redneck When....

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

The Bus Ride

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Bundaberg. The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. the brunette asked, 'What's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... 'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!?!'

How Can Life Exist?

This question has bothered me for such a long time. No matter how science tries to explain the origin of life, it does not seem logical to me. There are elements in the scientific explanations which are somewhat rational, but how did the first living thing actually become a living thing?

This reminds me of an illustration that I have used several times in my ministry as a pastor and missionary. It goes like this:

An agnostic kept his opinions very public. He often talked loudly of how he did not believe in God, that everything happened according to scientific laws that nobody actually could explain.

A Christian man was quite tired of hearing this agnostic's views. Finally, the Christian man confronted the agnostic. He invited him to accompany him to his home to see something.

When they got inside, the Christian took the agnostic to the basement and turned on the light. Then, he turned on an electrical switch. The agnostic was really interested and studied the sight which took up much of the space in the basement. What he saw was a working model of the sun, the planets including Earth, and the moons around the various planets. The electric switch made the model move consistently with the movements of our solar system.

"Who made this?" was the agnostic's first question.

The Christian simply said, "Nobody."

The agnostic got the point. Something which is made needs a maker. Just as surely as someone made that model of the Solar System, the real thing also needed a maker. The only intelligent agent to fabricate such a perfect model is God.


I like this story, which is why I have used it several times. Still, I can't understand life. Why am I alive? How can I be alive? When did I start being alive? How long will I be alive? Will my life actually ever end? Will I not go on being who I am, even after this body dies? So many questions!!

An Incredible Story

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

This is for all of my friends who send me those heart-warming rubbish stories.

Do your feet smell?

If your feet smell and your nose runs,

you are upside down.



Scroll down to find out how to know if your feet stink:

Reprint:Shepherds Learn of Jesus

This is a reprint of a story I wrote on my other blog, In Love With Jesus Christ. It is a Christmas story written on the Scriptural account in the gospels of Matthew and Luke. Feel free to look at other short stories in this blog, too.

Roger Harris]

“Winter is coming, my brother,” said the ten-year old shepherd boy to his older brother as they protected their small flock of sheep. “It’s already getting cold. I feel it is too cold to be out here.”

“Another week or two, then we’ll corral the sheep for the winter. It’s cheaper to allow them to eat the grass than to carry food to them for several months,” was the response from the fourteen-year old brother.

Ten-year old Ibrahim pulled his cloak more closely to his very slim body, unable to hold back some shivering. He watched the sky a while, got up and stretched and then told his brother, “I think I’ll take a short nap, if it’s all right with you.”

“Sure, go ahead. I’ll awaken you after a couple of hours to you can relieve me while I sleep a little.”

The boy spread an old tattered blanket near his big brother and slowly found a comfortable spot. He looked over the rolling countryside, looking at the campfires of several other groups of men and boys watching their own flocks of sheep.

“Wish I could be a sheep,” he whispered to his brother.

Looking astonished, the older boy asked, “Why would you say that? I think it’s silly to want to be a sheep or any other thing besides what we are, Israelite boys with some sheep to sell in the spring.”

“Look at them,” the younger responded. “They aren’t shivering in the cold. They have heavy wool coats to keep them warm. They don’t have to work, just eat and sleep. They don’t even worry about where their food comes from. They trust us to keep them fed and watered and even to protect them.”

“True,” smiled his brother. “Still, we have the ability to think, to try to improve our lives and to trust God for our needs.”

“Yeah, God is taking care of us, just as we take care of our sheep.”

“Only better,” the older added. “We are mortals. We have our limitations. Sometimes we don’t see a problem until it is too late, until one of our precious animals has been attacked. God knows what dangers are present, things that we don’t know anything about. Our God watches over us much better than we could ever watch over our little flock of sheep.”

“You know, I sometimes wonder if the things that the scribes teach us are really true.” It was Ibrahim speaking.

“You are being improper, Ibrahim,” scolded the older boy. “You must not talk like that. It is against our teachings to question the scribes.”

“Just consider the things they teach us, the miracles of Moses, the feats of King David hundreds of years ago, even the Garden of Eden,” Ibrahim reasoned. “Why don’t we see the same things in our own day? Why do the scribes tell us that we are God’s favorite people when we can’t even have a king of our own? Why is Rome sending people to rule over us? Why don’t we see great things happening, things such as the parting of the sea or the pole which becomes a snake? There are lots of things that sound like Grandpa’s talk.”

“What do you mean? What is Grandpa’s talk?”

“You know. Grandpa tells stories that are kind of hard to believe. He even tells predictions about the future, predictions which have been around for centuries and have not ever happened.”

“I think you are doing too much independent thinking, Ibrahim,” his brother scolded again. “Our duty is to accept the teachings of our religious leaders without questioning them.”

“How about the…?”

“Just go to sleep, brother,” demanded the teenaged brother.

Ibrahim rolled over onto his side and pulled the old blanket up around his neck, closing his eyes. He reached over and patted his older brother on the knee, saying, “Don’t let me sleep too long. You need to sleep, too.”

Soon the heavy breathing signaled that Ibrahim was beginning to sleep. The older boy continued to watch the sky, to look over their little flock and to add some sticks to their small campfire. His facial expression changed a bit when he thought he saw a shooting star far over the horizon. However, this star did not fade away in a couple of seconds as shooting stars always do.

The older boy noticed that a few other shepherds from the other flocks stood up to see the same star that he was watching. Although he could not hear their words, he heard some of the shepherds talking about the star. They were pointing toward it. More and more shepherds began to notice the star. It seemed to be getting larger and brighter, as if it was coming closer to them.

He noticed that the noise of the sheep had diminished and finally became quiet. That was unusual, hearing no sounds from the sheep, even in the nighttime. He stood up to try to see the light better, deciding that this was not a shooting star at all. It was too bright and clearly approaching them.

Ibrahim also woke up, noticing the unusual quietness of the night. “Is something wrong? I don’t hear our sheep bleating.” He looked toward his standing brother and then looked in the direction of the light.

Suddenly, the bright light was upon the whole area. The little town of Bethlehem, their hometown, always had a few visible lights at night that the shepherds could see. Now, however, the town was lighted up, not by the lanterns and candles but by some strange light from above. It was not the same as sunlight, not at all. They had never seen a light of this type before.

“Don’t be afraid.” The voice seemed to come from the brightness above and around them. “I am bringing you good news. It is the news that you have heard for centuries. The time has come for the Savior to be born. He is the Christ Who has come to save all people.”

The voice, though very strong, did not scare them, especially after hearing it say that it had good news. Ibrahim, like the other shepherds around this rolling countryside, did not know what to do. Should he stand or lie down or kneel? Should he try to speak or only listen for more messages from the light?

In a few seconds, the light seemed to form a shape. It looked somewhat like the figures of cherubim, the type of angels which had decorated the Ark of the Covenant, which nobody knew how to find any more.

Ibrahim’s brother said, “It’s an angel! They’re real! This is an angel!”

Again, the angel’s voice came loud and clear. “You will find this Savior in the form of a baby, a human baby. He is now in Bethlehem, the city of David, which is where the prophet foretold to be His birthplace. He is not in a palace but in a barn with a manger as His bed.”

As if this were not enough, quickly the people on the hillsides could see many, many more angelic type of creatures in this strong light. There were far too many to count. They also began speaking. Although each of them was speaking, their message was clear, “Praise and glory to God on high. He declares His goal of peace with mankind. He has good will toward men everywhere.”

In an instant, the angels were gone, and the light disappeared. It took a while for the men’s eyes to adjust again to the darkness of the night. The sheep again returned to their animal sounds. Things seemed just as they had been before the light and the angels.

Commotion became rampant. Various shepherds left their flocks to go to talk to a neighboring shepherd about this happening.

“My mother told me to stop drinking while tending the sheep,” said one of them. “Now, I’m seeing things and hearing things. I must stop.”

“It’s not the drink, Josiah,” said another shepherd. “This is real. Maybe someone can try to watch all of the sheep so the rest of us can go to Bethlehem to see the baby.”

After some time, they arranged several shifts to watch sheep while others went to find the baby. They agreed that the ones who went first would come back and let the others go to see Him if they wanted to.

Ibrahim was in the first group to go search for the new Savior in the little town. “May I take some kind of gift for Him?” he asked his brother.

“I wish we had something to give,” the brother agreed, “but all we have are some sheep.”

“I will go to see the baby. Then, when I get back here, we will decide about giving Him something,” Ibrahim suggested.

Ibrahim and the others in the first shift to go seek the baby wandered through Bethlehem. It was a small town so the search was not as hard as they imagined. The angel had told them that the baby was in a barn. Only one barn seemed to have any light in it.

With permission from Joseph, they entered the barn and carefully looked in the manger. He looked like any other Hebrew baby, very much like the younger brothers or sons that some of the shepherds had in their own homes.

After talking with Mary and Joseph, the parents of the baby, they returned to the fields so that another group could come and see the baby.

Ibrahim’s brother was very excited when the group returned to the fields. However, he was upset that Ibrahim was not among the returnees. One of them told him that Ibrahim was so impressed that he want to their father’s house to tell the rest of the family about this that they had witnessed. “He will be back soon so you can go to see Him, too,” one of them told the teenaged boy.

Finally, Ibrahim returned to watch the sheep so his brother could go to see the baby. “Here, take this to give to him,” said Ibrahim. It was a shiny metal pendant that Ibrahim had won in a contest a few years earlier. “I can’t think of any other thing to give Him.”

None of the shepherds slept much that night. They talked among themselves, comparing observations and opinions. It was clear, however, that all of them had become believers in the “grandpa talk” and in the miracles that they had heard about.

In the next days, people from Bethlehem searched the rolling countryside where the shepherds had witnessed the angelic presence and heard the announcement. Several people visited the barn in which the baby had been born. Mary and Joseph and the baby were no longer there after Joseph took care of the taxation affairs which had brought them to Bethlehem in the first place. They had returned to Galilee.

People from the little town of Bethlehem were largely changed. Some skeptics remained, but most of the town felt that the shepherds had really seen angels and heard angel voices that night. Most of the shepherds seemed different after that night. Drinking and swearing became things of the past. The shepherds became more serious, talking about eternal matters and spiritual matters. The scribes in the little town noticed, too, that there was much more interest in their sermons and their teachings from the writings of Moses and the prophets.

Regardless that the baby was not heard from for many years after that, the men who had witnessed this event were changed. They cultivated spiritual conversations and spent much time listening to the reading of the old scriptures. Many of those shepherds died before Jesus of Nazareth became such a popular figure about thirty years later. Ibrahim, however, did get to see the baby in His years of popularity. He spent much time listening to Jesus’ sermons and trying to understand His teachings.

“I could feel the love that the angels had for the Savior Baby that night,” recalled Ibrahim as he told his own children about that night. “They clearly loved Him very much. Now that I have heard His sermons a few times, I feel a closeness to Him, too. I remember what He once said, that He was very approachable and lowly in His own heart.”

Things which will soon be extinct in USA

24. Yellow Pages
This year will be pivotal for the global Yellow Pages
industry. Much like newspapers, print Yellow Pages will continue to bleed
dollars to their various digital counterparts, from Internet Yellow Pages
(IYPs), to local search engines and combination search/listing services
like Reach Local and Yodle Factors like an acceleration of the print 'fade rate'
and the looming recession will contribute to the onslaught. One research
firm predicts the falloff in usage of newspapers and print Yellow Pages
could even reach 10% this year -- much higher than the 2%-3% fade rate
seen in past years.

23. Classified Ads
The Internet has made so many things obsolete that
newspaper classified ads might sound like just another trivial item on a
long list. But this is one of those harbingers of the future that could
signal the end of civilization as we know it. The argument is that if
newspaper classifieds are replaced by free online listings at sites like
Craigslist.org and Google Base, then newspapers are not far behind them.

22. Movie Rental Stores
While Netflix is looking up at the moment, Blockbuster
keeps closing store locations by the hundreds. It still has about 6,000
left across the world, but those keep dwindling and the stock is down
considerably in 2008, especially since the company gave up a quest of
Circuit City. Movie Gallery, which owned the Hollywood Video brand, closed
up shop earlier this year. Countless small video chains and mom-and-pop
stores have given up the ghost already.

21. Dial-up Internet Access
Dial-up connections have fallen from 40% in 2001 to 10% in
2008. The combination of an infrastructure to accommodate affordable high
speed Internet connections and the disappearing home phone have all but
pounded the final nail in the coffin of dial-up Internet access.

20. Phone Landlines
According to a survey from the National Center for Health
Statistics, at the end of 2007, nearly one in six homes was cell-only and,
of those homes that had landlines, one in eight only received calls on
their cells.

19. Chesapeake Bay Blue Crabs
Maryland's icon, the blue crab, has been fading away in
Chesapeake Bay. Last year Maryland saw the lowest harvest (22 million
pounds) since 1945. Just four decades ago the bay produced 96 million
pounds. The population is down 70% since 1990, when they first did a formal
count. There are only about 120 million crabs in the bay and they think
they need 200 million for a sustainable population. Overfishing, pollution,
invasive species and global warming get the blame.

18. VCRs
For the better part of three decades, the VCR was a
best-seller and staple in every American household until being completely
decimated by the DVD, and now the Digital Video Recorder (DVR). In fact,
the only remnants of the VHS age at your local Wal-Mart or Radio Shack are
blank VHS tapes these days. Pre-recorded VHS tapes are largely gone and VHS
decks are practically nowhere to be found. They served us so well.

17. Ash Trees
In the late 1990s, a pretty, irridescent green species of
beetle, now known as the emerald ash borer, hitched a ride to North
America with ash wood products imported from eastern Asia. In less than a decade,
its larvae have killed millions of trees in the midwest, and continue to
spread. They've killed more than 30 million ash trees in southeastern
Michigan alone, with tens of millions more lost in Ohio and Indiana. More
than 7.5 billion ash trees are currently at risk.

16. Ham Radio
Amateur radio operators enjoy personal (and often worldwide)
wireless communications with each other and are able to support their
communities with emergency and disaster communications if necessary, while
increasing their personal knowledge of electronics and radio theory.
However, proliferation of the Internet and its popularity among youth has
caused the decline of amateur radio. In the past five years alone, the
number of people holding active ham radio licenses has dropped by 50,000,
even though Morse Code is no longer a requirement.

15. The Swimming Hole
Thanks to our litigious society, swimming holes are becoming
a thing of the past. '20/20' reports that swimming hole owners, like
Robert Every in High Falls, N.Y., are shutting them down out of worry that if
someone gets hurt they'll sue. And that's exactly what happened in
Seattle. The city of Bellingham was sued by Katie Hofstetter who was paralyzed in a
fall at a popular swimming hole in Whatcom Falls Park. As injuries occur
and lawsuits follow, expect more swimming holes to post 'Keep out!' signs.

14. Answering Machines
The increasing disappearance of answering machines is
directly tied to No 20 our list -- the decline of landlines. According to
USA Today, the number of homes that only use cell phones jumped 159%
between 2004 and 2007. It has been particularly bad in New York; since 2000,
landline usage has dropped 55%. It's logical that as cell phones rise,
many of them replacing traditional landlines, that there will be fewer
answering machines.

13. Cameras That Use Film
It doesn't require a statistician to prove the rapid
disappearance of the film camera in America. Just look to companies like
Nikon, the professional's choice for quality camera equipment. In 2006, it
announced that it would stop making film cameras, pointing to the
shrinking market -- only 3% of its sales in 2005, compared to 75% of sales from
digital cameras and equipment.

12. Incandescent Bulbs
Before a few years ago, the standard 60-watt (or, yikes,
100-watt) bulb was the mainstay of every U.S. home. With the green
movement and all-things-sustainable-energy crowd, the Compact Fluorescent Lightbulb
(CFL) is largely replacing the older, Edison-era incandescent bulb. The
EPA reports that 2007 sales for Energy Star CFLs nearly doubled from 2006, and
these sales accounted for approximately 20 percent of the U.S. light bulb
market. And according to USA Today, a new energy bill plans to phase out
incandescent bulbs in the next four to 12 years.

11. Stand-Alone Bowling Alleys
BowlingBalls.US claims there are still 60 million Americans
who bowl at least once a year, but many are not bowling in stand-alone
bowling alleys. Today most new bowling alleys are part of facilities for
all types or recreation including laser tag, go-karts, bumper cars, video game
arcades, climbing walls and glow miniature golf. Bowling lanes also have
been added to many non-traditional venues such as adult communities,
hotels and resorts, and gambling casinos.

10. The Milkman
According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, in 1950,
over half of the milk delivered was to the home in quart bottles, by 1963,
it was about a third and by 2001, it represented only 0.4% percent.
Nowadays most milk is sold through supermarkets in gallon jugs. The steady decline
in home-delivered milk is blamed, of course, on the rise of the supermarket,
better home refrigeration and longer-lasting milk. Although some milkmen
still make the rounds in pockets of the U.S., they are certainly a dying
breed.

9. Hand-Written Letters
In 2006, the Radicati Group estimated that, worldwide, 183
billion e-mails were sent each day. Two million each second. By November
of 2007, an estimated 3.3 billion Earthlings owned cell phones, and 80% of
the world's population had access to cell phone coverage. In 2004,
half-a-trillion text messages were sent, and the number has no doubt
increased exponentially since then. So where amongst this gorge of gabble
is there room for the elegant, polite hand-written letter?

8. Wild Horses
It is estimated that 100 years ago, as many as two million
horses were roaming free within the United States. In 2001, National
Geographic News estimated that the wild horse population had decreased to
about 50,000 head. Currently, the National Wild Horse and Burro Advisory
board states that there are 32,000 free roaming horses in ten Western
states, with half of them residing in Nevada. The Bureau of Land
Management is seeking to reduce the total number of free range horses to 27,000,
possibly by selective euthanasia.

7. Personal Checks
According to an American Bankers Assoc. report, a net 23% of
consumers plan to decrease their use of checks over the next two years,
while a net 14% plan to increase their use of PIN debit. Bill payment
remains the last stronghold of paper-based payments -- for the time being.
Checks continue to be the most commonly used bill payment method, with 71%
of consumers paying at least one recurring bill per month by writing a
check. However, on a bill-by-bill basis, checks account for only 49% of
consumers' recurring bill payments (down from 72% in 2001 and 60% in
2003).

6. Drive-in Theaters
During the peak in 1958, there were more than 4,000 drive-in
theaters in this country, but in 2007 only 405 drive-ins were still
operating. Exactly zero new drive-ins have been built since 2005. Only one
reopened in 2005 and five reopened in 2006, so there isn't much of a
movement toward reviving the closed ones.

5. Mumps & Measles
Despite what's been in the news lately, the measles and
mumps actually, truly are disappearing from the United States. In 1964, 212,000
cases of mumps were reported in the U.S. By 1983, this figure had dropped
to 3,000, thanks to a vigorous vaccination program. Prior to the introduction
of the measles vaccine, approximately half a million cases of measles were
reported in the U.S. annually, resulting in 450 deaths. In 2005, only 66
cases were recorded.

4. Honey Bees
Perhaps nothing on our list of disappearing America is so
dire; plummeting so enormously; and so necessary to the survival of our
food supply as the honey bee. Very scary. 'Colony Collapse Disorder,' or CCD,
has spread throughout the U.S. and Europe over the past few years, wiping out
50% to 90% of the colonies of many beekeepers -- and along with it, their
livelihood.

3. News Magazines and TV News
While the TV evening newscasts haven't gone anywhere over
the last several decades, their audiences have. In 1984, in a story about the
diminishing returns of the evening news, the New York Times reported that
all three network evening-news programs combined had only 40.9 million
viewers. Fast forward to 2008, and what they have today is half that.

2. Analog TV
According to the Consumer Electronics Association, 85% of
homes in the U.S. get their television programming through cable or
satellite providers. For the remaining 15% -- or 13 million individuals --
who are using rabbit ears or a large outdoor antenna to get their local
stations, change is in the air. If you are one of these people you'll need
to get a new TV or a converter box in order to get the new stations which
will only be broadcast in digital.

1. The Family Farm
Since the 1930s, the number of family farms has been
declining rapidly. According to the USDA, 5.3 million farms dotted the
nation in 1950, but this number had declined to 2.1 million by the 2003
farm census (data from the 2007 census hasn't yet been published). Ninety-one
percent of the U.S.farms are small family farms.

Is it a 'real' Rolex?

You want a 'real' Rolex watch, not the imitations that you get email spam about. How can you know if a so-called Rolex is real or a fake?

The web site which gives you detailed information about the real verses the fake is here in case you want more detail than I present on this blog.

There are nine items that you should look for when considering whether a Rolex is real or phoney:

1. The weight of the watch should seem heavy, not light at all.
2. The dial face should be of crystal, not plastic.
3. The magnifier bubble over the date on the watch should be perfect and present.
4. The second hand should run smoothly around the clock face instead of ticking from second to second.
5. The bracelet, when viewed from the back side, should be perfect and have no flawed links. Also, the bracelet should clearly match the watch itself.
6. The back of the watch should NOT be clear. Rolex has not ever made any see-through backs to enable you to view the working parts inside.
7. Look for a crown emblem on the winding stem. If it is glued on, it is a fake watch.
8. The winding seal is not loose but is firmly attached.
9. Inspect the hologram seal on the back of the watch. If the sticker does not change in appearance when you view it from a different direction, it is a fake.

If you can afford to pay the price of a real Rolex watch, you deserve a real Rolex watch. Do not allow yourself to be deceived.

Cowboy Humor

Quotations

• "Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town."
  
• Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a drunk cowboy from any direction.
• If you've done it. it ain't braggin'!
• "A bronc' rider should be light in the head and heavy in the seat."
• "Broke is what happens when a cowboy lets his yearnin's get ahead of his earnin's."

Cowboy Jokes

COWBOY & THE PREACHER
One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.

The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."

So the minister began his sermon.

One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon.

The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."

A cowboy lost his favorite Bible

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the
range.

Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It's a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”


Cowboy in Australia

A cowboy from Texas goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and starts talking.

The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?

The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

Who Owns Hard Rock Cafe?

Well, most of the Hard Rock Cafes, four Hard Rock Hotels, two Hard Rock Hotel & Casinos combos and three Hard Rock Live! concert venues are now owned by people from the American Indian tribe that the man in the photo is a member of.

The tribe paid $965 Million for the package in 2006. Although the original Hard Rock Cafe near Hyde Park in London is not in the deal, its name was changed when the take-over was culminated.

The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas is also not in the deal to the native American tribe. It was bought Morgan's Hotel Group.

The Indians which bought the Hard Rock group is one which never signed a peace treaty with the USA. There are two branches of the tribe, one in Oklahoma and one in Florida.

Yes, of course, the Seminoles.

Student Versions of World History

As a retired school teacher, I realize that kids can be funny. Sometimes it is on purpose and many times because of their misunderstanding of what they supposedly learned.

Here are a few examples of the latter:

*Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by Homer. Homer also wrote the "Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Acutally, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

*Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlos mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

*The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost". Then his wife died and he wrote "Paradise Regained".

*One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their pacels through the post without stamps. During the War, Red Coats and Raul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

*Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength". Abraham Lincoln write the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg n the back of an envelope. he also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Admendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 13, 1965, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat bye one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

*Back was the most famous composes in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

*The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

*The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

And many, many more school kid errors.

Funny Ways to Save Money

The following are real suggestions, and then there are some funny ways to save money that you really shouldn't try.
Funny Ways To Save Money - The Real Suggestions

A creative penny pincher found a way to save money on a car wash. He washed his entire car using the squeegee at the gas station.

A woman confessed that she has the kids stuff their pockets with the free ketchup, salt and other condiment packets every time they were in a fast food restaurant. That's not all, though. She actually had the kids squeeze ketchup and mustard from the packets into regular jars of ketchup and mustard, and claims she hasn't bought these condiments in years.

To save money on an umbrella, one man suggests going to the lost and found department of any large public library. Tell them you lost a black umbrella. They will have several, from which you can pick the best one and claim it as your own.

Call people long-distance when you know they won't be home. Leave a message for them to call. That way, they pay for the long-distance call.

Don't pay baby sitters! Get young couples who are thinking about having kids to "rent" yours for the evening. They get to see what it will be like, and you can get paid instead of paying for sitters.

Turn off the TV and all the lights to save electricity. Tell the kids it's a game of hide-and-seek.

Train your dog to beg for food from strangers, so you won't have to buy dog food.

Visit friends around dinner time to get free meals.

If I write a book on ways to save money, funny or not, will I make much in sales, or will everyone take my suggestion and borrow it from the library instead of buying it?

Do You Want to Eat Here?

In Silicon Valley ###HARD DISK CAFÉ

Chinese Place ###POOH PING PALACE

Kosher Chinese ###SHALOM HUNAN

Japanese Place ###MISO HAPI

San Francisco Bar ###CLUB FOOT

Thai Restaurant ###THAI-TANIC

Rib Place ###BONES

Hot Dog Place ###FRANK-N-STEIN’S

Thai Restaurant ###THAIPHOONS

Seafood Shack ###SEA SENOR

Jewish Place ###LOX STOCK AND BAGEL

Korean Diner ###SEOUL MAN

Virginia Restaurant ###I DUNNO

Another Virginia ###I DUNNO EITHER
Restaurant nearby

Arizona Place ###MY BIG FAT GREEK RESTAURANT

Coffee Shop ###UNCOMMON GROUNDS

Bahama Seafood ###STONED CRAB

Hong Kong Place ###AH CHOO NOODLE HOUSE

Vegan Deli ###HOLY CHOW

Virginia Place ###NACHO MAMA’S

Seafood Place ###CRABBY OYSTER

A Woman Pulled Over for Speeding

Older Woman : Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman : Oh, I see.
Officer : Can I see your license please?
Older Woman : I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer : Don't have one?
Older Woman : Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman : I can't do that.
Officer : Why not?
Older Woman : I stole this car.
Officer : Stole it?
Older Woman : Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer : You what?
Older Woman : His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.


The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2 : Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman : Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2 : One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman : Murdered the owner?
Officer 2 : Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2 : Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman : Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2 : One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman : Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

New Parking Law

With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots...especially during evening hours...the Edinburgh City Council has established a 'Women Only' parking lot at the Tesco shopping center. Even the parking attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons.

Below is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot in Edinburgh !

Business Mergers

With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and Acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America this might be some good advice. For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations later this year:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. will merge and become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMM Good.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become ZipAudiDoDa .

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor UPS and become
FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become
Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become
PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become Knott NOW!

Looking For Work

A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

A Texas doctor, not to be outdone said, 'You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in the White House and now half the country is looking for work.
__._,_.___
If you are seriously looking for a job, click this link.Free: An easier Way to Change Jobs

What to retired people do for fun?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi crook.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So my wife called him a dirt-head.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
__._,_.___

Message from The Queen

To the Citizens of the United States of America


>From Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II


In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary).


Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour'
and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping
half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally,
you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').

2.
Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as U. S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated
letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'


3.
July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4.
You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers,
or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists
shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only
be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing
someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot
grouse.

5.
Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler, although a permit will be required
if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6.
All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same
time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the
benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication
will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7.
The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8.
You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick
cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with
vinegar.

9.
Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English
actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt
English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin
to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.


10.
You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper
football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time,
be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty
seconds or wearing full Kevlar body amour like a bunch of nannies).


11.
Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event
called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America.
Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your
error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the
Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.


12.
You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

13.
An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of
all monies due (backdated to 1776).

14.
Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies)
and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in
season.


God Save the Queen

Porridge Facts

Nearly every American recognizes this man, the Quaker man used as the logo of the oatmeal company. Even outside the USA, this friendly face beckons people to stock up on oatmeal.

What is oatmeal? Why is it important to us? How do they make it so we can simply add hot water? When is Oatmeal Month? What else can we do with oatmeal besides use it for breakfast cereal?

Oatmeal month is January of each year. That is the cold month in the northern hemisphere, the month for having hot cereal for the beginning of the day.

It seems inconceivable that 80% of American families have oatmeal in their kitchen cabinets. No, it is NOT an old-people's food.

Quaker Oatmeal was the first breakfast cereal in the USA to have a registered trademark. It was also the first to offer trial-size packages. The trademark logo of the Quaker man has been updated only three times since 1877 when it first hit the market.

How do they make it? After the hull has been removed from the oat grain, it is called a groat. The old-fashioned oatmeal has had the groat steamed and rolled but not cut. On a stovetop, the old-fashioned oats that I grew up on takes five minutes to cook in boiling water. The quick groats that are ready to eat in a minute or less are groats that have been cut into three pieces (more or less) and steamed and rolled. This is the kind that I have nearly every morning nowadays.

Most people add milk to the cooked porridge (oatmeal). I usually make mine with hot water, milk powder and sugar. I use the instant variety.

What else can be done with oatmeal? Of course, oatmeal cookies are made with it. Some people also use it to make a bread. It makes a nice filler for meatloaf to keep it from being too wet.

Oats was one of the first cereals to be cultivated by humans. In China as far back as 7000 BC, oats was being raised as a food crop. As far as being made into a porridge, which is what oatmeal actually is, the ancient Greeks were the first to do it.

My favorite breakfast is oatmeal, a couple slices of crisp bacon and orange juice or hot tea. Breakfast has become my favorite meal of the day.

Underestimating a Woman?

A man calls home to his wife and says, 'Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend...and also get out my rod and tackle box from the attic? We're leaving at 4:30pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. 'Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.' The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but, being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, 'Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do? You'll love the answer.

The wife replies, ' I did, they're in your tackle box.

( never, never, ever, ever try to outsmart a woman!!!)